Monday, October 22, 2007

Dave Barry on Federal audit craziness


When the auditors were finally finished, they released a report that contained a number of alarming findings, including these:
It turns out that both "Lewis" and "Clark" were actually the same person, and he never got farther west than New Jersey.
Although, according to the U.S. Constitution, there are supposed to be nine members of the Supreme Court, a detailed search of the premises, including under all the desks, turned up only five.

In one three-month period, the Task Force on Reinventing the Government spent, without any formal authorization or supporting documentation, $141 million on party hats. North Dakota is missing. "We think Canada took it," stated the auditors, "but every time we called up there to ask about it, they just laughed and hung up the phone."

Now I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, I made up the preceding audit findings. The bad news is, the real audit findings are worse. I am NOT referring to the finding that the government has no idea what happened to billions and billions of dollars.


Now, in any organization you're going to have people stealing pens, paper clips, etc. But security has to be pretty darned lax for somebody to walk off with a tugboat.